I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
