Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
