i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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