i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
