wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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