She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
