My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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