Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
