you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
