Im at strip club and am horny
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
