So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
