I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
