dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he laminated a picture of his dick.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
