Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
