Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
