you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
