just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
