WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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