how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
