all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
