Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
