tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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