this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
