We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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