But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
