Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
