i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
