Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
