Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
