i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
