I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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