She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Im part way to drunk.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
