I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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