You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
