So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I smell stomach acid.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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