And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
