Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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