I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
