I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Come see our sink grown plant.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
