I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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