The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
