I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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