Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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