i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
