making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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