Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We got so high we made milksteak
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
