I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
