You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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