Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
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