I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
