this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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